Frustration.....

Warning: The post that you are about to read is more a vent and frustration.

For those of you who continued reading. This post came to be while I was laying on the couch wrestling Jakers to sleep. I am really frustrated with the fact the children's schedule completely relies on myself. Because it has made me prisoner in my life or atleast that is how I feel. For example there was a H.E.O.S (Helping Every One Successed) Meeting tonight which is basically a support group for families of children with IEPs at our school. I made the arrangements for the boys to go down to Ma and Pa's while I went to the meeting, because for certain issues its just better for them to go down to there rather than stay home with Daddy. But I knew I was cutting it close and that our bedtime routine would be thrown off up to an hour because I wouldn't be home til 7:30. But that when it hit me that them going to bed depends on ME, homework ME, Therapy ME, getting up and to school on time that would be ME, making sure everything is sent in when its suppose to that would be me aswell which is probally why its frustrating to the teachers because I always forget til the last minute and they usually send a note home to remind me. (mental note to put CharChars shirt for tie dye in his bookbag). But I know that I can't go anywhere or do anything for me because they need all of me. I laid on the couch wrestling Jakers for 1 hour and 25 minutes because we were off schedule and his melatonin took FOREVER to kick in tonight. While I was running around tonight trying to atleast get them inbed by 9pm it hit me how much circles around me... What happens if I can't do it all??? What happens if something happens to me?? How much better of a parent could I be if I had just a little bit more time??